The Secret Life of Peter Pettigrew
by Lady Feylene
Summary: What goes on inside of Peter's mind. A humerous-but insightful-look into what caused him to turn.


Disclaimer: Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter don't belong to me, nor do any of the other HP characters who appear in this story. I'm making no money off of this, so please don't sue.

Dedication: This is dedicated to Kitten, the only one who understands my love of Peter. And to Peter himself-regardless of the fact he's not real-because I feel awful that no one likes you. Rest assured you have a special place in my heart!

Author's note: Everywhere I look, it's the same. "I don't like Peter, so he's not in this story". "This is a marauder fic, but I left Peter out cause I hate him!". Oh, come off it people! Peter was a Marauder with the other three. He was there. He was one of them. He had as important a part in James Potter's life as Remus or Sirius. And please refrain from making any snide remarks at that choice of words. I personally really like Peter. I'm not sure why, I just do. I've even got a little stuffed Scabbers, sitting by my computer right now, looking at what I'm writing. So I thought it was time to make it up to poor Peter, who gets such a short stick from the fic authors.

Okay, remember this takes place from Peter's point of view. Everyone who knows me knows I love Snape more then anything, but Peter sees him as a prick so...

Takes place 6th year.

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The Secret Life of Peter Pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew frowned down at the open Transfiguration book in front of him, trying to make heads or tails of his homework. He had never been known for his brains. He also wasn't known for physical prowess, or good looks. He *was* however, known for being slow and a bit of a coward. But he tried to let all of that roll off of his back. He knew he had his good points. He was a loyal friend, and a hard worker. He sometimes wondered if the Sorting Hat hadn't made a mistake, and that he should really be in Hufflepuff. 

"Still studying, Peter?" James Potter's voice interrupted Peter's reverie. He looked up, and blinked a few times in confusion.

"Huh? Oh! Yes..." He shook his head slightly, giving a weak smile. "Just trying to get this Transfiguration essay done." He looked back down. His quill hadn't left the desk, and his parchment was blank.

"Finish?" Sirius Black called out over his shoulder. "You haven't even started!"

"And you have?" James countered, his eyebrow raising in query.

"Nope!" Sirius replied happily. "I'll do it at breakfast. Anyone up for some Quidditch practice?"

"You have to ask?" James' face broke into a wide smile. Both boys were good Quidditch players. Peter himself wasn't that good, but neither was Remus Lupin, so that didn't bother him all *that* much.

"Hehe. You up for it Wormtail?" Sirius called, shaking back his thick black hair.

"No thanks...I have to get this done. Er...started." He gave another weak smile. "Maybe I'll ask Remus to give me a hand..."

"Okay then. We'll see you later!" James and Sirius waved, and bounded out of the common room to go and practice some Quidditch. Peter sighed, resting his head on his hand. He suddenly didn't feel much like doing his essay, but he knew he had to. Gathering up his things, he decided to go to the library in search of Remus. The scholarly Gryffindor could usually be found there when he wasn't in the common room.

//It's not my fault I'm not smart or good looking.// Peter thought, as he made his way through the corridors. //It's genetics. Can't do a thing about genetics. It's in the...blood, or something.// He frowned, trying to remember about genetics. Lilly Evans had explained it to him at one point, but he had forgotten most of the details. He was lost in thought, and not paying attention to anything around him. So he was quite surprised when his foot struck something solid, and he went toppling forward, his books falling out of his arms to clatter to the floor.

"Wha...?" Peter winced, his chin smarting from where it had struck the floor. He heard someone laughing behind him, and turned to see Severus Snape lounging against the wall, a sadistic grin on his face.

"Have a nice trip, Pettigrew?" The dark haired Slytherin drawled, crossing his arms. Peter frowned, biting his lower lip. He didn't have a good comeback, and he certainly didn't want to get into a physical confrontation with Snape. The other boy might be slim, but Peter knew from experience he was a lot stronger then he looked. And much better with a wand. Peter picked himself up, and started gathering up his books.

"What? Not going to stand up for yourself without your friends around to protect you?" Snape sneered, tilting his head to glare down at Peter. "I'm surprised you made in into Gryffindor, a coward like you..."

Peter took a deep breath. He wasn't going to let Snape get the best of him. But Snape kept it up.

"Just...just leave me alone!" Peter finally snapped. He knew it lacked bite, but it was the best he could do. 

"And what if I don't want to?" Snape's voice turned menacing. Peter swallowed hard. They were very much alone in the corridor, and Peter was at a distinct disadvantage. He was still on his hands and knees trying to gather up his books, and it was quite difficult to get at his wand. //Why can't I be brave and strong, like Sirius or James? Or at least clever like Remus, to think of a good insult!//

"Don't want to what?"

Peter looked up, and saw the slim, shabby form of Remus Lupin coming down the hall, a large book in his hands. His head was tilted in a quizzical manner, and his eyes had an almost humorous glint in them. 

"Nothing." Snape growled, his stance changing immediately. Ever since he had found out Remus was a werewolf, the Slytherin had gone out of his way to avoid him. He'd still pick fights with James, Sirius and Peter, but he tended to back down when Remus was around.

"Ah." Remus gave a small smile, his eyes still sparkling. "Peter, are you all right?"

"Fine." Peter mumbled. "Just tripped..." he gathered up his things, and stood up. He was thankful that Remus had shown up, but he felt embarrassed. He did always need his friends to help him out. He had never felt quite so much like a coward. he was a Gryffindor! He was supposed to be brave and true, and here he was hiding behind someone else.

"Jerk..." Peter muttered as Snape slunk off in the other direction.

"He really is." Remus agreed, nodding. "But don't let him get to you. He's a coward, picking on you when you're alone like that. What were you doing, anyway?"

"Oh...I was looking for you." Peter said, flushing. Of course Snape would pick on him, all alone. He couldn't fight back, and he wouldn't go running to McGonagall or anyone else. He was the easiest target.

"Well, you found me. What is it?" Remus gave another one of his polite smiles. He was always so quiet and polite! It was as if he were made of calmness. Peter was prone to lose control of his emotions, and get frustrated easily. How did Remus do it?

"Oh...never mind." Peter shrugged. "I've forgotten already." He offered up a weak smile, his heart sinking. He wasn't going to ask for more help, not after that little incident. "Er...I think I'm just going back to the dorm, actually. I've got...things. To do." he kept smiling weakly, and backed away. he turned, swallowing hard. he was a coward! He blinked hard, fighting back tears that threatened to leak out. He practically ran to the portrait of the Fat Lady, gasped out the password, and flew through the common room up to the dorm. He flung himself down onto his bed, and closed the curtains.

//I hate it!// He thought to himself, reaching under his pillows for the large stuffed teddy he still slept with. It was worn and faded, and missing an eye. He had had it since he was born, and was quite attached to it. He held it tightly, curling up into a ball on his bed. The scene with Snape replayed in his mind, but this time it was different...

"_Have a nice trip, Pettigrew?" The dark haired Slytherin drawled, crossing his arms. Peter frowned, biting his lower lip. He picked himself up, dusting off his robes._

"I've had better." He snapped back, shrugging. Snape's black eyes narrowed, and he stood up strait. Peter shook back his light brown hair, and crossed his arms.

"Big words, Pettigrew. You're all alone, you know. No friends to back you up..." Snape advanced, a cruel snarl curling his lips.

"I don't need them." Peter said, bravely. He watched Snape intently, waiting for the black haired Slytherin to make his move.

"Hah! You think you can handle me on your own, Pettigrew?" Snape's voice was a deadly hiss. "I think not..." Snape's hand shot quickly for his wand, but Peter was quicker. He had his wand out, and was muttering the words of a leg-lock curse before Snape even had his wand out of his pocket. Snape took a step forward, and fell flat on his face, cursing as he went down.

"Damn you, Pettigrew!" Snape sobbed. "Why can't I beat you?"

"Sorry Snape...I'm always going to better. But you're getting there...don't worry. Maybe someday you'll be able to use that wand of yours..."

"Peter!" Remus Lupin came up behind his friend, his voice full of pride and astonishment. "Was Snape bothering you again? What a jerk...he never stood a chance." The blond haired Gryffindor smiled warmly at Peter....

Peter smiled, the fantasy buoying his spirits a bit. He gave his teddy a squeeze, and sat up. He pushed Mr. Snuggles-as the bear had been dubbed many years ago-under his pillows again and made his way over to the mirror that hung in the dorm. He looked at himself with a critical eye. 

Short, rather messy light brown hair fell to his ears in a rather simple style. It framed a rather round face, with large hazel eyes and a slightly snubbish nose. Small lips, the bottom one a bit raw from being worried at so much. Black school robes hung off of a teddy-bear like figure, certainly not fat, but with a certain roundness to it. 

"I'm not ugly." Peter said aloud.

"I've seen much worse." The mirror replied promptly. Peter nodded. He knew he wasn't a prize catch like James or Sirius...even Remus had a certain frail beauty to him. But Peter wasn't *ugly*. He was just...plain. Plain he could live with, he supposed. Maybe he'd start working out, like Sirius did...he turned his head this way and that, studying himself in the mirror.

"Preparing for the Miss Wizarding pageant there Peter?" 

"Huh?" Peter leapt around, his eyes wide in surprise and fear. It was Sirius, a wide grin on his face and his arm around a pretty red haired girl. "Oh...uh...I fell...just looking to see if there was bruise..." He knew it sounded lame, and he cast his eyes to the ground. 

"I swear Peter, your head would fall off if it weren't screwed on strait. Anyway...I thought you were going to be in the library with Remus?" The muscular Gryffindor raised his eyebrows pointedly. Peter frowned for a few moments, before what Sirius was trying to get across sunk in.

"Oh! Er...yes. I just...forgot...something." He swallowed, and grabbed a handful of random books. "I'm heading out now..." He held his books tightly to his chest, and nodded at Sirius in way of farewell, and darted out the door. He made it to the common room, and sank into a large plush chair. He knew the girl Sirius was with, a Ravenclaw seventh year. She was considered something of a trophy date among most of the men of Hogwarts. Trust Sirius to get her into his room.

//Why can't I get the pretty girls? Why can't I get *any* girls?// Peter had yet to have a girlfriend. He had asked out a Hufflepuff fifth year, but she had only laughed at him. *That* story had taken about an hour to circulate. People still wouldn't let him live it down. What was so wrong with him, that no girl wanted anything to do with him? And Sirius had to rub it in his face. Oh, Peter knew he didn't mean to, but that's what happened. He had practically been kicked out of his own dorm so Sirius could do...whatever it was he was planning on doing with the girl. And she had laughed when Sirius had made that joke...

//Someday they won't laugh at me.// Peter decided, curling up in the chair. //Someday I'll be the one with the pretty girl...// his mind went back to when Sirius came into the room, shaping in his mind into what it could have been...

"_Preparing for the Miss Wizarding pageant there Peter?" _

Peter turned around slowly, eyebrow raised in amusement.

"I don't need to practice." He said with a grin. Sirius stood there, his arm around a very pretty red haired Ravenclaw girl. Peter gave the girl a smile, which she returned.

"Yeah, you'd win hands down. Uh...I thought you were going to be in the library?" Sirius frowned, his face scrunching up in confusion.

"Oh, I was, but then I ran into Snape. He's probably still face down in the hall...why?" Peter raked his hair out of his eyes, cocking his head in a charming manner.

"Oh, see, I thought the dorm was gonna be empty..." Sirius gestured to the girl, who scowled at him.

"Well it's not." Peter said, cheekily. The girl cleared her throat, to get Sirius' attention.

"Yeah?" Sirius asked, his face still blank.

"I think I forgot my scarf. Could you get it for me?" She asked, simpering.

"Sure thing! Be back in a flash..." Sirius flashed the girl a gamin grin, and darted out of the room. Peter shook his head, laughing slightly.

"You're scarf's in your pocket." he pointed out to the girl. She giggled, and nodded.

"I know. I just wanted to get him out of here..." She smiled seductively, advancing on Peter. "He'll be searching for hours...I'd love to get to know you better..."

Peter sighed, staring into the flames in the fire place, a glassy eyed look on his face. Why couldn't things like that *really* happen to Peter? He looked up when he heard the portal open and saw James step inside, covered in mud and grass.

"That was the best practice I've had!" He announced happily.

"Good was it?" Peter asked, blinking a few times to get his mind back from where it had been. (In his dorm, with the pretty Ravenclaw.)

"The best, like I just said." James was grinning like a fool. "You should have seen the dive I made! Practically crashed my broom, but it was worth it. Strait down, just like Kelder Krane in the Quidditch Cup last year!"

"Oh wow! I bet you'll be asked to play for England!" Peter's eyes widened in awe. That was a difficult move.

"Tell me about it! Where's Sirius, he wandered off before we even got to the field..."

"Oh...erm...he's...busy." Peter flushed, mumbling. "Um...he has a visitor."

"Oh..." James nodded knowingly. "I thought I saw him and Jesse Parker heading back here. Oh well...." He went on to detail every move of the practice to Peter, whose mind went into a little Quidditch fantasy of his own.

__

"And, the teams most valuable player" the Quidditch Cup announcer was saying, "Quidditch's pretty boy himself, Peter Pettigrew!" 

Peter flew out on his broom to the roars and cheers of the crowd. He looked down and saw signs and banners all flashing his name and support for him. He gave a wave as he circled the stadium, before taking his place with the rest of his team. He had been asked to play for England on graduation, and was the team captain as well as the Seeker. 

The game began, England versus Australia. It was a rough game, and Peter kept himself out of the action, waiting for the snitch. He narrowly avoided bludger after bludger, dipping down and twisting sideways as they grazed by him. It was as though he was dancing in the air. Suddenly, he saw the snitch! It was gleaming gold, and hovering near the ground, beneath the action. Peter leaned forward, urging his broom down in a steep, dizzying dive. It was a risky move, from so high up, but he had a clear shot and was going to take it.

"Pettigrew sees the snitch...My Lord, look at him go! I've never seen anything like this...the crowd is going wild..."

Peter lay out flat on his broom, stretching forward, his hand extended. Bludgers came at him from every side, or so it seemed. Australia's Seeker was on his tail, but there was no way the other player could catch Peter. The ground was racing up at him at an alarming rate, wind rushing by his face as he stretched himself out further, his hand closing on the Snitch...

"Peter. Peter!" It wasn't the roar of the crowds It was James Potter, a look of concern on his face. "Peter? Are you okay..."

"Hmmm?" Peter's eyes slowly focused, and he squinted at his friend in confusion "Oh! Um...yeah." he turned a brilliant shade of scarlet.

"Sirius and I were worried. You spaced out there..."

"Just...lost in thought." Peter said.

"I can see how that'd be pretty easy." Sirius joked, nudging Peter with his elbow. Peter offered up a small smile, still flushed. Had he been that long in his own mind? Obviously Sirius was done with his...friend.

"Hehe...yeah. Er...I'm pretty tired." Peter said, yawning for effect. "I think I'm going to take a nap...wake me for dinner?"

"Sure..." James frowned. "You sure you're all right?"

"FIne. Just tired." He gave what he hoped was a disarming grin. "I'll see you for dinner." He may be feeling sad for himself, but he wasn't about to miss a meal! Not waiting for an answer, he slid off the chair and up to the dorm. He crawled into bed, closing the curtains around him. He retrieved Mr. Snuggles, and closed his eyes. He'd rather spend the time before dinner in his own mind, then among his friends. He loved them dearly, but sometimes...

//They don't understand.// He sighed. //They're all special. They don't know what it's like to be me...// He knew the teasing was all in good fun, but sometimes it was hard to remember that. //They just don't realize. It's not their fault. Everyone loves them, and wants to be like them. No one wants to be like me. But someday I'll show them all...someday...// With that thought, he turned over, and let his mind drift to the future, when he was an award winning Quidditch player with a huge mansion and a beautiful wife...hey, even rats could dream.

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End file.
